One More Weekend

I've said too much already.

I've tried a lot, cried rivers, been down enough to face the sidewalk.

Still, I can still taste blood in my mouth, from trying to speak no longer.

And every day of silence is a day of huge pain growing inside of me, crazy thoughts taking over and desperate inside my brain.

I've seen people, been with people... I also had my "drink more than you ever did" time, just to try and let her go.

What a shame, I was trying to do something I know that is impossible for me. It's only impossible because it was true. It is true and will ever be. From where I come from, True Love never becomes part of the past. It never really goes away. Just as the memories that keep me awake... they won't ever fade away. Memories, just as my Love, remains.

I've heard all those sad songs, seen many beautiful movies... I've done a lot to show the world my pain. To share my pain with the world, on a desperate effort to survive, believing I could never deal with all this hurt alone. It's time to live life now. It's time to change, to focus on a future that belongs to me and no one else.

For such a long time of my life I planned a future and all my dreams and ambitions to share it with some one else that I don't even know how is it to think of a future that will be only mine.

If she's doing it so well, why couldn't I? It hurts to see that she could do it so quickly, so fast. I've gotta be honest: had I seen her as I am, I don't think I'd bee so envy and jealous like I am right now. Still, you can't never expect people to truly Love you, nor Love you the same way you Love them. It's not I think she didn't Love me or so... but how can some let Love go so easily, quickly, loudly?! How can one be so strong and cold after such a long time? I really don't know what hurts more: thinking I've never been Loved or that she could only be so strong because everything we had was such a bad thing, such a waste of time... for her, of course.

I don't regret my past. Not a day. It made me who I am. And I 'd do this all over again. All the fights, gifts, tears, laughters, smiles, kisses... oh, if ever anyone ask me if I am happy I'd have to say yes. I am happy for I could Love one with all my heart and expectations. I could Love a girl in a way I doubt many people can Love. With pure heart, with shaking hands and blinking eyes. I am happy. It's just that, now, I'm miserable and in pain. But, if being miserable is what takes for me to Love her, I'll be miserable. And this pain... well, I'll get used to it someday. It's only here because I'm not with her. It's here because we are, now, 2 months apart.

If only I had that straight punch, to warn me it was about to end, I'd do it all differently. I'd change everything in me that had to be changed. I'd do anything to make it work. And it gives me HELL to see other couples on close situation, but with only one person trying... and trying and trying... and being honest with a possible end to the other and the other clearly doing nothing... it gives me hell because I wish I had this obvious warn...

Well, as I said, it's time to move on with life. The sad songs will be playing on my iPhone and car stereo. Love and beautiful movies will be playing on my Blu Ray. I'll meet people and be with them. I'll waste my time on things I like and things I don't like. I'll be thinking of her and remembering everything we had. I'll cry because of that. But I'll live my life, I'll go on with it. Maybe, on life's crazy paths, we'll meet again. Renewed, refreshed... if not for one another, for ourselves.

As for what I have to say for myself:

No matter what your words might be, no matter how easy it is for you to get over, no matter how much suffering I'm into and how long it takes to go away, "You won't change the way I feel, because I Love you". "Oh, oh, oh, I Love you SO"! My feelings for you were always real and they don't depend on you to exist. They are here and forever will, that's what I promise you.

"Somewhere hiding underneath
Kickin' off covers while you sleep
Soon you're gonna leave
So leave us one more weekend

You've got all the friends you need
Bad tattoos and worse id's
You feel alive
Do you feel alive?

You'll go off
You'll forget
You'll grow out
Of hanging from the edges
Breaking off the past
You'll know when to move up
You'll know when to take all
The right chances
Never looking back

Somewhere hiding underneath
Runnin' around these empty streets
Do you think you're better off dead
Better off dead
Better alive than here?

You've got all the friends you need
Bad tattoos and worse ideas
You feel alive
Do you feel alive?

You'll go off
You'll forget
You'll grow out
Of hanging from the edges
Breaking off the past
You'll know when to move up
You'll know when to take all
The right chances
Never looking back

You think the time we spent
Was all wasted
Sleepwalking through every morning
We took for granted
Maybe this time we spent
Was all wasted
We'll let it go
I'll let you go

You'll go off
You'll forget
You'll grow out
Of hanging from the edges
Breaking off the past
You'll know when to move up
You'll know when to take all
The right chances
Never looking back

We are half alive
And that's a miracle
Now we don't belong
To anyone at all
We are half alive
And that's a miracle
Now we don't belong
To anyone at all

Somewhere hiding underneath
Kicking off covers while you sleep
You feel alive"