Hurt me as long as you can, but do it while I still feel the pain. Soon it will be a scar and I'll laugh on the face of those who hurt me.I'm filling my soul with things I believe will build me stronger, surrounding myself with huge walls and getting prepared to avoid any kind of attack. I'll be the infantry from now on, aiming on those weak bodies, hitting on drunk smiles. And if your on this list, don't worry, I'll make sure my army fights far from you.

We are nothing but two strangers, politely smiling at each other while crossing this big town. You are a stranger I still know the taste. That's obvious... I've tasted you for so many times it will be impossible to forget. And you taste good.

We are the past you'd rather hide, as for all our past you use as a huge excuse for your own crimes. Picture myself waving my hand. This is the memory of me you want to keep. As for me... well, I've taken my good photos from you and they are all kept inside of me. But then again, these pictures you won't ever see, as they are far from you, inside this wall I'm building.

Well then, I'll leave you this good bye. At least for now.

And here I am, all alone once again. Searching for stupid rhymes inside my fucked up mind, just to finish one more empty line. I'm all alone, becoming someone I promised myself I wouldn't become, drinking another glass of vodka, wishing for it to give me the perfect thoughts for all those beautiful words people say I know how to write. Fuck... am I good? Hell no! But I'm working on it.

And for all those tears I shed, God knows I see hope, now. Hope on my next word, hope on my next thought. And all those sad songs, they are all becoming inspiration for a sweet dream.

Oh, I'm drunk. I've been drinking way too much. But here I am, looking for different kinds of poisons to pour on my glass, wishing for somebody to suck it out of my lips, horny and full of faith on a sudden and beautiful death.

This very person might never come, but as long as I am dead, I'll never know the living people's truth about it.

But then again, my body will be waiting on lovers sadness, to come and kiss my never waking body, full of faith, breathing death out of me, making promises to my soulless body. Promises to meet me on a next life, promises of eternal loyalty.

Oh dear, that beautiful waltz from yesterday was nothing but a different reality. You know you'll never be the one for me. You're just too good to be with someone like me and I'm way to different from all those men you want to Love. And your beautiful blue dress covering your body while you move to the slow music we danced worked perfectly to avoid my wishing thoughts of you.

And you, short girl, with your classy black dress... what about life? It's time you live it. And that little kiss, your boyfriend won't miss. But you, you're gonna miss it until it's done. You're sweet and wet lips touching mine.

Life is too short, I say. So I drink this next sip to all of you. And this next one to the life I had. Another one to the life I have. This one is for what future holds (which I don't want to know it until it happens). Finally, I take this last one to Love, and all the pain and happiness it brings me.

And now my glass is empty, and so is my mind. And I feel just like I felt when I started writing. Only now I'm looking for the right words to say it's "The End".

Eventually, when nothing really works...

and nothing much really matters, you end up saying "FUCK YOU"... or anything with similar meaning.

Well, here’s the deal…

I’m sick and tired of so many things… and that includes people. A lot of them. So, as a start, take as a fact that I might actually hate every one of you, right now. It doesn’t mean that I don’t like you. It’s just that I’m in such a rage that I hate you all.

Anyway, I think it’s funny how I’ve been drowning myself in a sea of non-existent and existent empty pussy. On top of that (not the pussies, on top of the previous phrase), I’m tired of lying to the others and, mainly, to myself about it… it’s funny how I lie to myself, just to feel better. I lie to myself when I convince me I don’t have the guts nor the talent when, in fact, I do. And I lie to the others when I say the same thing but I always end up proving myself wrong, right in front of everyone else.

This city is shit. This whole town is fucked up. I hate my neighbors, I hate the fucking traffic, I hate the selfishness around me… I hate how selfish I can be. And I’m just a part of this whole fucking crap that even though I hate, I simply enjoy living. This town is so fucking huge and gives you so many possibilities that, in the end of the day, you did absolutely nothing to you and to your own miserable and selfish life. And there are simply no morals or scruple around. You simply swallow your painkillers so your head stop hurting… and you do that from Monday to Friday. Friday we all take our shitty pills into our sick stomach and go out to drink, get drunk and possibly and pretty fucking easily get laid. But, just as I’ve been doing lately, on my desperate search for a way to hit someone else’s back, you usually want it all to end as quickly as it started. And that's you and me trying to live and to go on with our miserable, boring and stupid life. How fun life can be, hun?!

Well, I’m not proud of myself right now. I’m not proud of what I’ve been being. To be honest, I’m actually disgusted with it. Still, I can’t say I don’t take my good photos. And, in the end of the day, all I’ve done is to make the day go by. And when the day is gone and I put my not so non-guilty head on the pillow, all I can think about is how much I Love her. Still, it doesn't really matter anymore. I just hope it all choke and die on a fucking short term.

What about me?

Well, there are not enough sad songs to explain the way I feel, still, here's a little bit of what's going on with my life:

So many weird things happened these past few days. Nothing of what I wanted really happened. Starting with me being away from Brazil for a little while. Instead, from late call, I'm on a graduated course. Amazing. I was expecting it for 2010 only, but I could actually start it this year. Great, hun?! =)

Well, it feels really good, because it's just like I'm trying to live life once again. I'm starting to be good to myself. There's still air outside for me to breath, and I'm slowly trying to take deep breaths. I'm also running. A LOT! SPOOOORTS!!! Hahaha... guess I found something that clears my head for 20 minutes or so.

Anyway, I had the most odd weekend I ever thought I'd have. First, I went to a party, as Edward Scissorhands. I thought it wouldn't be any original, but then, it happened that my costume and make up (which I did all by myself) were a HUGE success! Beautiful. Hahaha. And funny! At the party I had SO MANY BEERS! I don't think I ever drank as many beers as I did that night. It was unbelievable! I had beers enough to have no idea at all of how many beers I had. Anyway, the party was pretty good. It happens that it ended on a way I would never, ever, ever expect. And from all of what happened about it, I got to myself so many beautiful mental pictures. The smell on my pillow is gone, now, but all the pictures are well framed on my mind and heart. All I got do is close my eyes.

Well, my life has been just like that. Trying to party only on weekends, looking for things to make the days go by, waiting on tomorrow to come and possibly brings new hopes for me...

The sad thing is: The bad thing about live your life waiting on Tomorrow is that it makes harder to live the Today.

Oh, and one thing I've heard: you can only be good to someone else if you can be good to yourself.

My Love, I'll be as good as I can to me and I'll even try to reach my best. But how can I be my best when the best part of me is gone? Guess it's something I'll have to figure out on my own.

Still, I'll be waiting to see what future holds.

PS: I'm only 10 days from my graduation party. I'm sooo excited. ^^-b A few people will be missing, though. Some of them I'm sure they'll be watching wherever they are. One of them...